


Her {Phan}

by cheekyhowell



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Amazingphil - Freeform, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phanfiction, danisnotonfire - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-31
Updated: 2016-01-31
Packaged: 2018-05-17 08:54:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5862619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cheekyhowell/pseuds/cheekyhowell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Dan is invited to a YouTube get together 6 months after he and Phil decided to go their separate ways, he's hesitant to go. But what happens when he sees Phil there as well?<br/>--------------------<br/>Warnings: Depression a lil idk and like smoking but that's it<br/>--------------------<br/>Words: 1.7k<br/>--------------------<br/>A/N: Just a really short, kinda poetic kinda not, angst to fluff phanfic, hope you enjoy it :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Her {Phan}

I took a look around the room. People dancing with the music blasting. A few others passed out on the floor. Vodka. Just vodka everywhere. I took off my jacket, feeling the leather pass down my arms, throwing it onto a chair near by. An arctic monkeys song blared in the next room, away from the party. I peeked into the room, seeing the window and the view summer trees, full with leaves. People sat around playing beer pong, laughing, smoking. Grey eyes looked across the table to their opponent, whispering threats that they're going to win. That wasn't my scene. I was here to look for someone. But I didn't see him.

With the smell of strong perfume and lacy lingerie lying around, I assumed this was Zoe's new apartment. I haven't been here before, and she decided to have a welcoming party. I had never found the energy to go to her parties. Considering my huge depression I had fallen into after Phil had moved out and got a girlfriend, I wasn't exactly up to partying. But I went. Because Phil was supposed to be there.

Polaroids were hung in the lounge. Someone had written "smells like teen spirit," in dark purple lipstick on the wall, a famous song from the ever so wonderful band Nirvana. It was one of Phil's favourites.

I sat down near the people partying. Although I was in a room full of people, I was still alone. Like no one had noticed I even entered the room. Not that I was complaining. I was happy to be alone. I looked around, listening to the Alt J music, now blaring from the speakers. This place was so grunge looking. I liked it. It reminded me of Phil. Then again, so did everything.

I stood up, beginning to take a closer look at all the polaroids on the walls. One with Zoe and Alfie. One with Marcus and Joe. One with Caspar and Tyler, a drink in their hand, laughing. One with Troye and Connor, kissing. And one with Phil... and her.

A fiery rage began to burn inside my heart. The memories of going to old 80's vinyl records stores, driving way too fast with the sunroof open, windows down, wind blowing in our hair. Sitting on old park benches, our to go coffee cups in our hands. Playing songs on our old piano, the smell of Phil's scented candles burning in the background. We had even gotten small, simple, meaningless tattoos with each other. I hated her. She took everything I had away from me. Phil was everything I had.

I grabbed a match from a box on the table and lit it. The fire blowing up high and then settling down slowly. I ripped that stupid polaroid photo down from the wall, stared at her ugly smile, and burned that photo. I burned it until she was gone. Out of the picture, out of my memory. Unfortunately, not out of Phil's life.

I watched the photo burn, the fire satisfying my need to exert my anger. I lit a cigarette with the flame and shoved it in my mouth. I needed to calm down. I stared at my nails, black polish coating them perfectly. Although I was a guy, I had a thing for black nail polish. Louise had gotten me hooked on it, I can't stop now.

I put out my cigarette and got up to leave. Phil wasn't here, I thought. He's too busy with his perfect life. I turned to grab my coat, feeling as though I was about to just lose it.

And then I saw him. He stood in the hallway, his flannel and black ripped skinny jeans fitting perfectly on him. I pictured seeing him again over and over in my head all the time. But everything I had planned to say, everything he needed to hear, I couldn't say it. My mouth couldn't utter those words. Those three god damn words. I love you. And then the next three agonizing ones; I miss you.

Instead, I stared at him. I stared at him for a long time. His blue eyes had turned to a deep shade of ocean, his black fringe growing just a little longer than the usual length he liked it, his hipster style glasses fitting his face shape perfectly. His mouth, heart shaped and slightly agape, mostly surprised because he hadn't seen me in almost 6 months. His breathing picked up a little, and slowed down at irregular speeds.

I turned to face the other way, rushing into yet another unknown room. The feeling of tears brimmed my eyes. I hated him for leaving. I loved him for the while he stayed. I rushed into the unknown room, automatically knowing it was Zoe's room. White bed sheets and comforters surrounded the huge king sized bed. Ed Sheeran records played softly on a record player in the corner. I wondered how much different music people played in this apartment. The room was painted a pastel purple, which oddly stood out in the darkness of the night. A mint green vintage bicycle was leaned up against the wall, hard copies of CD's from various artists, including Troye Sivan's new album 'WILD' sat on a shelf above her bed. I noticed the double doors leading to the bedroom's balcony on the other side of the pastel walls. I immediately stepped outside.

I heard the doors click open a few seconds later. I knew it was Phil but I didn't want to believe it. What did he want from me? He had already ripped my heart out. What else could he ask for, my dark soul too?

"Dan," I heard him whisper, sounding breathless, like he had just seen a ghost.

I felt a warm hand touch my shoulder, jerking when he made contact. I pushed him off.

"Dan, please," he begged, but I just couldn't look at him. We had so much going for us. The book. The tour. The gaming channel had just hit 4 million subs, Phil had just hit 6 million, myself at 8 million. And in a heartbeat, she took it away. He just left. Left YouTube. Quit the tour. He said he wanted to write his own book, publish it with her. He told his subs he was 'just taking a break' when really, I knew he quit because she wanted him all to herself. She took away everything from him, from his fans, and most importantly for me. I was going to tell him I love him. But then he left, and my chances, along with my heart, were ripped from me. How could I look at him, now?

"Dan, I broke up with her," my eyes widened at the statement. I turned around to face him, tears streaming steadily down my face. I wasn't sobbing, I wasn't crying, but tears just flowed from my eyes. Happy or sad, I'm not sure.

"So what's that supposed to mean?" I said, my voice sounding softer than I had expected. "Now you're gonna come back to me, begging me to let you stay with me again? Is that why you're here? Because I'm your second choice? Because believe me Phil, you're far from my second choice. You were my only choice."

I clenched my fists, swallowing hard. Why are you still even thinking about him Dan, I thought. He doesn't care. He just doesn't care about you anymore. Why should you care about him?

"It means," he sighed, pushed off his glasses to the floor and looked up from the ground to look at me, "it means I can do this,"

He took slow steady steps towards me. I leaned against the balcony railing, waiting for what he was going to do. He is so not about to kiss me right now, I said to myself. Phil continued walking closer to me until there was no where else to turn except to look at him. He cupped my face, and grabbed my hand. I looked into his eyes, tears starting to fill those beautiful blue orbs I missed so much. I closed my eyes, feeling almost every emotion I could possibly feel as I felt his lips touch mine. He pulled away a few seconds later, searching my face for any signs of discomfort. Although I was on the verge of suicide without him, this moment made me want to live forever. Just so I could remember this.

I leaned in again, kissing him more passionately this time. He grabbed the back of my head, pushing us together as close as we possibly could. I grabbed his hips, feeling his perfect hipbones poking through his jeans. Our lips merged perfectly together, our tongues colliding like we were made for each other. This is who I'm supposed to be with, I reassured myself. Just as we were pulling away, he grabbed my lip in between his teeth, slowly and gently pulling away. Our foreheads rested against each other, as I ran my hands down his chest.

"Let's go away with each other," he whispered, "please. I regret everything I've done these past 6 months. She totally brainwashed me. It's like I wasn't even myself anymore." He pushed away from me, cupping my tear streaked face in his hands.

"Where would we go?" I whispered.

"Anywhere you want," he smiled softly, shaking his head. "I don't care where, I just need to be with you,"

I grabbed his hand and lead him off the balcony and into the room. The white bed sheets were perfectly made, the record had stopped playing, the music and sound of people had died down.

"How about we stay here for the night," I looked at him willingly.

"Of course," he said, smiling at me.

The old fashion alarm clock pointed to the hour 3:46 am. I sighed, recommending we should probably get some sleep. I took off my leather jacket, throwing it on the french bistro style chair, pulling off my shirt and stiff skinny jeans. I turned around to see Phil, staring at me in awe.

"Is something the matter?" I said, concerned that he thought I was undressing for him or something, which I guess was half true.

He stepped towards me, encompassing me in a hug. I hugged him back, confused as to what was going on but I didn't care.

"You're beautiful," he whispered in my ear as he pulled away. I smiled softly, getting into bed next to Phil, his abs lightly showing through his skin. I grabbed his hand underneath the comforter.

"Goodnight Phil," I said, closing my eyes.

"Goodnight, Dan," he replied.

And with that, we fell asleep. And I don't think I've ever felt more complete in my life.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: WROTE THIS A LOOOOOONG TIME AGO AND I DONT REMEMBER WHAT I WROTE SO LOLSDKSOQ


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